Crazy Apple's Talk Show Bleach Theme
by Fireypassion
Summary: Talk show with guests, bodyguards and accusing questions! How more wrong can this go?


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Welcome to Crazy Apple's Talkshow!

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Me: Crazy apple here! Today we have Shuuhei, Byakuya and Renji with us!

The lights blink several times and then spotlights shine on the three VIPs.

Me: Mr. Poker face, what do you think of the latest story I've written? It's called "gambling" I recall that I pared you up with these two. Is that correct?

Renji snickered in his chair when I mentioned the nickname and Shuuhei started to laugh loudly.

Byakuya: First of all I am not Mr. Poker face! Secondly, yes you did pair me up with two lieutenants that are of lower ranking than me and thirdly, how dare you do that! And you guys stop laughing!

Me: Fine Mr. Byakuya. No threatening the other guests. This is precisely why zanpacutos were taken away. What a fine example you are.

Byakuya: Why I ! Do not address me in such a manner!

Me: Its either Mr. Pocker face or Mr. Byakuya. Use it or loose it!

Byakuya: Very well. Mr. Byakuya it is.

Me: Mr. Byakuya what did you think of the story?

Byakuya: I thought it was completely preposterous I would never punish anyone that way! Moreover have a threesome with men, much less lieutenants. However I have to thank you for at least capturing my character right, If such a thing would happen I would be dominant.

Me: Yay a compliment! You're welcome! Just so you know its fan fiction and the number of fan girls have started to crumble. Such act was necessary hope you understand.

Byakuya: I don't really .

Me: Let me explain... Less people would read bleach so captain Yamato ordered me to do something about it and than I black mailed him into letting you guys come to my show.

All three: WHAT?

Me: woops i wasn't supposed to say that. _ Oh well. Shuuhei what do you think about the story?

Shuuhei: Well I didn't like the part that I was the uke, overall it was fine. But really I'm always in control you do know that right? I mean Abarai was more suited to be the uke I mean he has long hair and is easily anger just like a woman. Also-

Renji: Shuuhei that is so not true I'm gonna so kill you when I get my zanpacuto back!

Me: Renji! No threats! Anything else Shuuhei?

Shuuhei: Yes. I don't know if Captain Kuchiki noticed this or not but it was emplied at the end of the story that he would be the uke next.

Me: Well yes. Originally everyone would get a turn.

Byakuya: Repeat after me Miss. IT. WOULD. NEVER. HAPPEN.

Me: ICHIGO!

Ichigo appears and guards me.

Byakuya: What's the meaning of this Kurosaki? Saving another innocent soul from my clutches?

Ichigo: Huh? No way! Innocent? HUH! She black mailed me!

Me: hehe

Renji: How _do_ you do it?

Renji looks at me with admiration.

Me: Don't sweat it sweetheart, it not the only power I have.

Renji: Great I can't wait to see more

Me: Renji what do you think of the story?

Renji: Um I thought it was well written, and it was interesting. The fact that you paired me up with Captain Kuchiki is an honor and the idea was good except for one thing.

Me: What's that?

Renji: Captain Kuchiki would never have the guts to do something like that.

Me: Brave of you to say that.

Byakuya: Abarai it angers me that you think I have so little courage

Byakuya uses flash step to get to Renji and then kisses him, before Renji can scream at Ichigo to guard him.

The audience, Shuuhei and Ichigo: 0_0

Renji: Captain...What?

Byakuya: Mmm Abarai you taste good what did you have for lunch?

Renji: uh. Cake?

Me: Oh ! I didn't expect that. On to our next portion of the show -_~

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PART 2

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Me: Alright so… since you guys didn't like that story how about you jot down your ideas on a piece of paper and I'll read them out loud. I'll tell you what; you don't have to write your name on them.

They get paper and jot down the ideas. Each put them in a hat.

Me: Alright. About a tattoo parlor, Byakuya wants to get a tattoo and witnesses something he shouldn't see. Okay so this one if from Shuuhei.

Shuuhei: Hey! You said you wouldn't tell who it is from!

Me: No I said you don't have to write your name. I didn't say I couldn't tell by guessing and thank you Shuuhei for confirming it.

Shuuhei: Damn it!

All of a sudden Ichigo blocks a strike from Byakuya.

Me: You cant take your ideas back! Besides I already read them.

Byakuya narrows his eyes and goes back to his place.

Me: Okay this one says, Renji buys a cake and eats it, what if his roommates wanted some too? Oh that's so sweet, are they nice roommates Byakuya?

Byakuya says without thinking: Yes. I mean no. I mean... oh! hey!

Me: Sucker! The last one is of coarse from Renji. Renji meets two interesting people a worker at a tattoo parlor and a gardener. What if he falls in love with both of them? Caring gardener or a bad boy? Oh that's sweet, Renji wins the sweetness award! Here you go.

I pass Renji a lollipop.

Renji: Thx! ^_^

Renji begins to make slurping noises that seem to annoy the other two guests.

Me: Sweetheart you're such a good kid

I Pat him on the head.

Ichigo: That's it I'm not helping you anymore! Renji with a lollipop is just...inhumane

Me: Okay. This messagee is for Jūshirō Ukitake. Ichigo Kurosaki likes you. I repeat Ichigo Kurosaki likes Jūshirō Ukitake.

Ichigo: Oh my god!! I thought you said you wouldn't tell!

Me: you didn't want to protect me anymore. Okay back up plan! TOSHIRO!

Ichigo leaves as Toshiro arrives.

Ichigo to Toshiro: Don't trust her

Toshiro shows him a contract.

Me: He was smarter he decided to make me sign a contract.

Ichigo: Damn it!

Me: Okay this concludes our program! Is there anything you would like to say?

Byakuya: Shuuhei and Renji come see me in my office after this.

Me: *Winks hoots and whistles*

Byakuya whispers: Maybe so.

THE END!


End file.
